Two- thousand-and-fifteen was a year where I learned a lot about myself.
I learned who I want to be and it is not a carbon copy of someone else; low self confidence and social anxiety for nearly all my life lead to the belief that I could never be valued for my self, so I unconsciously copied styles and character traits of the people that I felt were accepted and celebrated, while burying the ‘real me’ in a deep dark hole.
The kick in the ass that got me out of this vicious cycle, was when a very close friend suddenly and completely cut all contact with me. (It seems to me now that she used me to get her through university, and once she finished she no longer had any use for me). I had to re-evaluate my life and work out who I wanted to be.
Friendship should not be conditional
The thing is you should be able to make mistakes without your friends abandoning you.
You should be able to have disagreements with your friends and be able to accept that you have different views.
So I started making plans and started achieving things for my own sake not anyone else’s.
I started taking my photography more seriously; experimenting with film photography, documentation photography, and buying a more professional digital camera.
I also was accepted for a three month artist residency other the summer, where I was able to freely explore the concepts of my art practice outside of the umbrella of education. This really improved the way I presented my art and talked about.
My religious studies in Hellenic Polytheism and Druidism was also something I wanted to approve, and it has lead me to writing original religious poetry.
I started two YouTube channel one featuring personal vlogs and the other topic led videos with me sharing my research and opinions.
Which have helped me combat my low self confidence and anxiety also I find it freeing to be speaking to the camera.
Going back to university in October was daunting, as while I knew people none of them were friends. There was no need to worry however as everyone was as nice as I remember, receiving compliments on my residency work and poetry helped.
I spend most of November and December either doing university work, meeting up with old friends, or obsessing over bullet journal posts on Instagram and Tumblr.
The new year began with me beginning a bullet journal my self and planning 2016, starting a Epic Poem for university, and taking part in the 2016 Grimoire Challenge
I also filmed a video where I took about the top ten things I learned in 2015, so please check it out.